I got more shitty news today…I should preface: Yesterday, I had to have my car towed to a garage…yes, the one I just bought.

Today was going fine, without much incident, until I get a call from the mechanic. He says that the work is going to cost around $700…way more than I can afford. So I’m panicking, as usually happens when something like this occurs. Tonight was a night at the boyfriend’s and he’s just sitting there quietly with me on the drive to his place as I try to figure it out.

At the apartment, he starts in that he doesn’t find it acceptable for me to put any more money into this car. Continuing, he says how he thinks that my fear of paying for the car is less about the loan and more about my being unable to trust in others who love me…that whether it’s through a friend of his (who is willing to help) or elsewhere, I should take out $3-4K and invest in a real car. I then tell him that I need to go for a run and that I’m not mad at him, but rather myself for always getting into this kind of mess.

Seeing that I’m mad, his response is to basically shutdown and keep out of my way. I go for a nice run, 30 minutes of exercise and come back, not feeling good, but collected, calm. He’s still in shut down mode, acts cold and when I return, he takes off for the apartment gym, basically refusing to interact once I am back…says that he’s just going to stay out of my way.

Flip flopping like this is driving me nuts already. First he says he wants me to be more open with what’s going on and be able to trust him, then he turns around and becomes distant and a bit condescending. Just fucking UGH. I know I’m not the easiest person to be around when unexpected difficulties arise, but there has to be some middle ground between the way he reacts and the way I react….

…just fuck. fuck.